The Missing Elf on the Shelf

Missing Elf On The ShelfThe Elf on the Shelf is an ingenious little tool for parents around Christmas.  Apparently it’s been a thing for years but I’d been oblivious up until the last couple of years when “Charlie” came to our family to watch over G & C.  If you’re not familiar with the The Elf on the Shelf let me tell you a little about it.

Your elf comes to visit you just after the Thanksgiving holiday (we do it the day after, I know others that wait till December 1st).  Each day the elf watches over your children to make sure they’re behaving.  Then each night, he returns to the North Pole to report back to Santa on the day’s behavior returning the next morning in a different spot around the house.  The boys love waking up every day and trying to find Charlie.

Unfortunately this year, we’ve got a bit of a problem.  We can’t find the damn elf!!!

Oh, we’ve got the box, we’ve got the book and we’ve got the “certificate” from when we named him… but no Charlie.  We’ve ripped the god damn basement to shreds looking for him.  We’ve yelled at one another cause I know there’s no way that I’d be stupid enough to lose the elf, and The Wife knows that I’m just stupid enough to lose the elf.  At this point, we’re pretty convince that we’ve actually witnessed a Christmas miracle.  Charlie had to have come to life, decided that he was sick of this gig and got the hell out of dodge.

But that’s not where our trouble ended.  Now we’ve got to come up with a replacement.

Luckily, we had a couple of days of leeway cause they boys were generally being assholes so we’d decided that Charlie wouldn’t come on time this year.  Really what we were doing was biding time looking for the damn doll.  When we ultimately couldn’t find it we had to come up with a plan B… and Wife did just that.

I’d like to introduce you to Billy The Elf.

Billy The Elf
Bill is the replacement “Elf on the Shelf”

Let me tell you… I’m a big fan of Billy.  He sits around all day long and doesn’t take crap from anyone.  G has decided that Billy comes to us from a different toy shop at the North Pole and figures that Charlie is probably going to return to us next year.  C told me the other day that Billy is an older elf cause he’s got a different uniform and must be in charge of Charlie.  I’ve decided that this was the best $4 the Wife ever spent to keep our boys behaving around the holidays.

It’s early, but it’s time for me to start saying “Merry Christmas”.  Oh… and here’s a tip for all you Elf on the Shelf parents out there: Set a nightly reminder on your phone so you remember to move your elf.  There’s nothing worse than laying in bed and realizing you’ve gotta traipse back downstairs to move him.  Cheers!

Get your very own Elf on the Shelf here!

11 thoughts on “The Missing Elf on the Shelf

  1. Thank you!! It’s a ripoff you can’t buy a replacement elf without buying a whole new book!! My kids don’t want to see some plush replacement elf– they want to see the same damn elf they had!! I refuse to buy another and I’ll make a story to go with why the elf didn’t show his lazy ass up.

    1. I can’t say I blame you Lisa. We went with the story cause, like you, we refused to pay the ridiculous fee for the whole “package”. Merry Christmas!

    2. Tbh it depends how old ur kids are cause u can easily say Dear kids, sorry kids! I’m billy and ur elf won’t come he’s a lazy ass.

  2. This is a funny story… my daughter can’t find the elf and I won’t tell her we’re comment were u think it is she’s searched the whole house lol. I told her she can read the comments that I get but the funny part is I cant find the Damn elf either I forgot!!

  3. I had to buy a new as we moved and other one is in a box somewhere…. now how do I introduce the new one?…

    1. Been a few years but if memory serves me correctly we suggested that since the kids were getting older, they now needed a more senior Elf to come visit. This new Elf was ‘in charge’ of several Elves, including our former (missing) visitor.

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