Well… it looks like this is going to be my last post for a while. I got this email this morning from the FBI and it looks like I’m going to jail.
SUBJECT: From Federal Bureau Of Investigation..
Urgent Attention To You.
We sincerely apologized for sending you this sensitive information via e-mail instead of a certified mail, post-mail, phone or face to face conversation, it is due to the urgency and importance of the security information of our citizenry, i am special agent Frank Williams from the federal bureau of investigation (fbi) intelligence unit, we have just intercepted and confiscated two (2) trunk box at JFK Airport in New York, and are on the verge of moving it to our bureau head quarters.
We scanned the said box, and found it contains total sum of $4.1 million and also backup document which bears your name as the receiver of the money contained in the box, investigations carried out on the diplomat which accompanied the box into united states said he was to deliver this funds to your residence as payment due you from the office of federal government of Nigeria as unpaid beneficiary.
We cross-checked all legal documentation in the box, and were about to release the consignment to the diplomat when we found out that the box was lacking one very important document which makes us confiscate the box.
According to section 229 subsection 31 of the 1991 constitution in money laundering, your consignment lacks proof of ownership certificate from the joint team of the IRS and Homeland Security, reply for direction on how to procure this certificate which will enable you relieved of the charges of money laundering which is a punishable offense under section 12 subsection 441 of constitution on money laundering.
You are required to reply this letter within 72hours, or you will be arrested, interrogated and prosecuted in the court of law for money laundering.
Also, you must not contact any other bank or person in Nigeria or united kingdom or any part of the world for any payment, because your payment have been confiscated by this bureau here in the united states..
Yours in Service
Agent Frank Williams
So there you have it. Seeing as I’m not going to respond to Frank’s note it appears I’ll be going away for a while for money laundering. This is clearly legit as he’s told me exactly what subsection of the “1991 constitution in money laundering” I’m violating. See you on the flip side folks. I’ll let you know when I get out if orange truly is the new black.