I was born in the mid 70’s. It was before we had hundreds of channels on TV and it was before there was a blockbuster a week in the theaters. There are comic, cartoon and movie properties that are so ingrained into my being that they are a part of me… and they’re all being redone for the sake of the almighty dollar.
Star Wars, G.I. Joe, Transformers, Halloween, Friday The 13th, Tron… I could go on and on. It seems as if Hollywood is completely devoid of any original ideas these days. Don’t get me wrong – some of these movies are great. I completely enjoyed Transformers as well as the sequel Transformer 2: Revenge of The Fallen. I have yet to see G.I. Joe but I’m sure that I’ll enjoy that one as well purely based on nostalgia value… and therein lies the problem. Since I’m enjoying them it means OTHER people are enjoying them. It means they’re making money. It means that the cycle will not stop anytime soon.
I’ve ranted here about my feelings on the current state of the Star Wars universe so I won’t bother rehashing it. But the more I think about these remakes, reboots and re-imaging I just get this feeling of “something’s not quite right”. My memories of playing with those toys, watching those cartoons, and having those adventures are precious to me. Now I’ve got to assimilate all of this new information into those memories and I simply cannot process it. I have less of a problem with the Transformers and G.I. Joe‘s of the world – those are merely being told in a new media. It’s kind of cool actually to see a “real life” Optimus Prime or Storm Shadow. What really gets me is these reboots. It’s a story that has been told (successfully I might add)… STOP THE MADNESS.
Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street and Halloween – these are three of the most well known horror franchises of all time. They’re good cause of what they are. Please leave them alone. The fact that Rob Zombie’s Halloween was a good retelling doesn’t change the fact that it should never have been made.
Tron – seriously? Were there really people out there clamoring for a retelling of Tron? Go back and watch it… it’s a clever story but it’s already been retold. It was called The Matrix.
Robocop – again… the idea is played out. I don’t need another version of an ass-kicking cyborg.
Ghostbusters – please God… do not allow this to happen. Especially after all these years. The first movie is a classic and the second is pretty damned good too. We do not need a follow up to this. Didn’t we learn anything the Indiana Jones experiment?
I’m begging Hollywood to please allow my childhood to stay intact. Please give my kids their own movies, toys and properties to love. There’s no reason they have to enjoy the same stuff that I did when I was growing up. You want to really get sick? Here’s a list of stuff that’s currently in the works:
- Romancing The Stone – I don’t see how this one could be made better.
- Back To School – talk about getting no respect… Rodney I’m sure is rolling in his grave.
- Conan – haven’t we seen enough bad Arnold franchises try to come back?
- The Karate Kid – with none other than Will Smith’s son Jaden in the lead roll.
- Footloose – staring… Zac Effron. Fuck me.
- Short Circuit – this is one that I like but let’s be honest… it sucked the first time around.
Pissed off yet? I could go on and on. You know what REALLY upsets me? I’m going to see each and every one of those movies thus continuing this sad trend of recycled garbage. Ughh.